Research has shown repeatedly that the quality of a couple’s communication about problems is the single factor that best distinguishes happy from unhappy marriages and committed relationships.
The ability to communicate well also is the best indicator of relationship satisfaction and stability over time. In other words, it is not the number of problems a couple experiences, individual personalities or differences of opinion that distinguish happy from unhappy relationships. Instead, it is how couples talk about and work through their problems and differences.
Conflict is a part of all relationships, the key is understanding what works better for you and your partner in creating more effective ways to work through the conflict and better manage together the resultant vulnerable and/or protective responses each of you engage in that may not be the most helpful for your relationship. This is what I call repair work, this process is key in mending the hurt feelings, loss of trust, anger, or helplessness experienced.
These skills are not inherent but they can be learned by ALL couples!
In couple’s therapy, whether for married couples or those in committed relationships, couples learn how to identify destructive forms of communication, how to become less reactive, how to develop more helpful and effective strategies of understanding the others needs, communication styles and problem-solving skills.
Couples learn how to use their creativity and resources to preserve the strength of their relationship while meeting the challenges that life brings.
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